Easing your passage from and to India
Posts tagged cultural differences
Nepotism – a dirty word or sound business?
May 9th
In the world of western business, there are certain words which every manager tries to distance him/herself from: hierarchy, politics, favourtism, traditionalist, etc. These “dirty words” carry a lot of baggage for us, but perhaps none as much as nepotism. We would like to believe we dropped all the evils of nepotism sometime around the Enlightenment of the 17th century. Surely nothing is as undemocratic or unmodern as giving an important post to a family member.
Any reference to nepotism becomes a scandal. Recently, in Bavaria, a German state which prohibits politicians from employing spouses and children, 2 politicians resigned amid nepotism charges and 79 more have been named in reports. Even in the US, which is supposed to be the international symbol for meritocracy, there was a report filed citing nine Congressmen for giving special jobs to family members during campaigns.
Living in India gives you a new perspective on most things of course. You begin to see how hierarchy can also have a softer side, and how traditionalism can preserve things that need to be remembered. But what about nepotism? Family rules in politics where 29% of members of parliament are “hereditary” members, meaning they inherited their position from their parent. In fact, 100% of MPs under the age of 30 got their positions from their parents. In business, Air India has a pending inquiry has a pending inquiry against its executive director of operations for giving pilot licenses to family members without meeting the requirements.
In Indian business, it is harder to separate family from the equation. When a relative is looking for a job, it is your duty to scout around your workplace and see if there are any suitable posts. Why wouldn’t you want to entrust key parts of your business to those whom you know the best? Why bring in a stranger when I can find someone with more vested interest in our success? It is estimated in India that 40% of new hires come from employee referrals and a good portion of those are family members.
In India, people take great pride in the success of the Tatas, Ambanis, and Birlas, who have managed to run their businesses in the midst of family. The Tatas are famous for not only incorporating their family into their business, but then also treating members like family once they join. All foreigners coming into India should be aware of the gold standard that most Indians will use to evaluate your organization.
So while nepotism might still be a dirty word in the world of business, family should definitely be a word you embrace to succeed as you work in India.
No one told me!
Apr 10th
Adjusting to the heat of South India takes many approaches. It wasn’t until our second year and in the height of power cuts that we decided to spring for an inverter, a beautiful piece of engineering that allows you to enjoy a few hours of electricity even when the main supply has gone.
However, recently our inverter didn’t seem to last very long. Assuming it was just another shorter than expected life span, our thoughts went to replacing it soon. When speaking to my neighbor about it, she was outraged at the poor quality until she finally asked if we had kept it filled with distilled water.
“Distilled water? Why?” At this, my neighbor dropped her face realizing we had been using the inverter for nearly 2 years without performing the simple regular maintenance of adding distilled water into the top.
Had I grown up in India, adding distilled water to the inverter would have been drilled into me by my father as the activity of “responsible adults” just like checking the tire pressure, changing the oil in the car, or cleaning the leaves out of the gutters. But since this is still a foreign land, one has to be told these things.
So who gets the blame for this? The shopowner who sold us the inverter? The man who installed it? Our neighbors for not reminding us sooner? A cross cultural training or relocation expert who left this nugget of information out?
No matter how complete your preparation is, there is always something that falls through the crack. Something left for that category of “learning the hard way”. So, instead of trying to figure out who is to blame, it’s better to focus on the kind of behaviors that can save you when (not if) these things happen.
- Keep local friends close to you and aware of your daily life. Had we not told my neighbor about the struggles we were having in casual conversation, we would have certainly seen the end of the inverter.
- Drop the “I can do it all myself” attitude. You can’t – not in India. Stop trying.
- Ask questions. We train Indians in the business world to be more assertive about asking questions, but the westerners often need it in the social world as they sometimes don’t want to “bother” anyone. (The fastest way to make friends in India is to be helpless and ask someone to do a favor for you.)
As we all adjust to new cultures, “No one told me!” might be a common refrain, but it’s not a justified one. Make some good local friends, keep them close, and remember to check the distilled water in your inverter!
Party Crashers
Mar 7th
“Well, I guess we crashed the party,” my new American friend leaned over to whisper to me.
I was attending a Rotary Club event where clubs from three different cultures were gathering – India was hosting, with Malaysia and the US as guests. The meeting was to celebrate the clubs coming together and try to build stronger ties.
The Indian club started by playing a video on their recent work in a nearby village. The president gave a short speech and then read out each of the names of the visiting guests and their spouses and presented them ceremoniously with shawls and gifts.
The Malaysian club followed suit, playing a video highlighting their long and prestigious history. The president gave a speech and thanked their hosts presenting large gifts to the leadership and distributed mementos to all in attendance.
Then the American president stood up and said “Thanks for inviting us”. No video, no speech, no gifts. It was then that my new friend made his party-crashing statement.
To be fair, there were only two Americans compared with large groups of Malaysians and Indians, but it struck a cultural chord with me. Why is it that some cultures embrace and celebrate formality and others have nearly eliminated it altogether? Being American, I often find myself in situations where I know I should have done something more significant to receive a guest, or gone out and bought a gift for an occasion. Yet it usually comes too late.
India and most other Asian cultures have a rich heritage of gift giving and treating guests as god. The American response to guests reaches its apex with “Feel free to find something you like in the fridge!”.
This difference often creates clashes in the business world too. How many times has an Indian team arrived to an onsite project bearing engraved gifts and talking about the great historical partnership about to take place, only to be received with a handshake and an invitation to get their own coffee? Westerners of all walks would do well to adopt a little more ceremony in the way we welcome and act as guests.
Back to the Rotary night, my culturally intelligent balloon was inflating after noticing the gaffe my countrymen had made. However, it came to a huge pop when my Indian friend came up and asked me “Where did they go?”. Earlier, the American couple had politely said goodbye to me and I let them walk out of the room. . . alone . . .without walking them out. I quickly rushed with my friend to the entrance to find them waiting outside for their car. We talked with them for a while longer, thanked them for coming, and I realized how long the journey to acting as a Global Citizen can be!
Indian Women are #1!
Feb 7th
While discussing gender diversity in a training program, I revealed the top five list of the most stressed women in the world according to a recent Nielsen Survey. I started at 5 and made my way up: Spain, Brazil, Russia, Mexico…India. One young male in the group jumped out of his seat and pumped his fist seeing that his women had cracked the top spot! ”Our women are number one!” was the expression on his face. We all had a good laugh, given what he was celebrating, and he sheepishly took the ensuing ragging.
In order to continue a celebration of Indian women, here is a small list of the many different roles the average Indian woman fulfills at one time:
1.) Mother - The bond between an Indian woman and her child is lifelong, and especially between a mother and son. I recently saw a sign for a large housing development company that the owner had named “Mother’s Nest”.
2.) Teacher - While very few women “home-school” in the traditional sense, I have yet to meet an Indian mother near exam time who is not spending every evening going over their children’s studies. This also contributes to the next role of:
3.) Learner – In an effort to stay prepared for their children’s studies, many women have to re-learn all the subjects themselves. It is a fairly common sight for a mother to spend her breaks at work sitting with the local IT guy refreshing herself on computer science before the exam.
4.) Daughter – While sons are traditionally supposed to be the ones to take care of parents as they age, you would be hard-pressed to find an Indian woman who did not spend significant time caring for her own parents. The bond and responsibilities are forever.
5.) Daughter-in-law – Potentially one of the most high pressure relationships. Many Indian woman enter a marriage by moving into a new home with a new family and new parents to care for as long as they live. There are a lot of expectations, which most women handle with an amazing amount of poise.
6.) Worker – From the woman carrying bricks on the worksite, to the cook making food, to the woman who owns the multi-million dollar company, women work hard in India. This probably adds to the stress more than anything. They perform at high-pressure jobs and then come home to situations where they still have a large list of duties and responsibilities that can’t be taken by anyone else.
Instead of cheering for their stress, a simple idea for the men of India might be to take up grilling or some other culinary art to ease the pressure at home. Let’s all work together to make Indian women #1 in something other than stress!
Thanks?
Jan 7th
My wife’s SMS said, “Call as soon as you can” – never a great sign. I soon learned that my young son had fallen and cut his forehead and was off to the hospital. As my wife didn’t have a car, she asked our friendly “Uncle and Auntie” that we have known for over two years to help.
My neighbor drove my wife and son to the hospital where they quickly saw a doctor. Uncle waited at the hospital and purchased all the medicine needed for the quick patch up. He then drove them back home safely, recalling stories of his own children’s falls and scraps to make sure my wife didn’t feel guilty.
When I finally reached home, my son was already happily in bed and I was overwhelmed with a strong feeling of gratitude. I had to satisfy my uncontrollable American urge to go and immediately say “thank you” for the generous act. We appreciate it when people do nice things for us, but we also like to quickly acknowledge them.
I tried to chose my words carefully: “I am very thankful that you were here to take care of my son.” To which, my neighbor replied, “Never say ‘thank you’. Why else are we here besides doing these things?”
Perhaps it is dharma, or perhaps the teaching of the Bhagavad Gita, but somewhere in the Indian mindset, there is a strong feeling that one should not say “Thank you” for doing something which is expected to be done. To say “Thanks” trivializes something like this to a simple transaction between strangers. To not say “Thanks” shows that there is a deeper relationship of assumed obligation that we will take care of each other regardless. To live in an Indian family is to live in a massive invisible safety net which sometimes requires you to adjust a bit for others, and also requires others to adjust for you without flinching.
Another friend living in India describes this cultural tension for him as adopting a “long-term view of reciprocity”. We from individualist cultures don’t like the idea of an ongoing “debt” to someone and prefer to live without these long-term obligations. I would even tell my parents “thank you” for doing the same for my child. However, being in India has opened my eyes to the beauty that exists when friends and family are willing to engage in such a deep relationship that the phrase “Thank you” loses the luster that we ascribe to it.
Thanks, India. Or rather, as I rephrased my response to neighbor, “It makes me so happy to know that my family is living in a place with such wonderful people all around us.”
Digging Deeper
Oct 12th
In today’s global world, the situation is typical. You are traveling to a new place you’ve never been before and have a fear of making a fool of yourself. Then suddenly you remember that you have a friend who is from that country or lived there for a long time. Instant success, right? All you have to do is call them up and they’ll be able to tell you everything there is to know about your destination.
However, the discussion inevitably ends up somewhat similar to this:
You: “So, tell me about (country)”
Friend: “Yeah, it’s really great. You have to try the food.”
You: “Yes, I’ll definitely do that. Is there anything else I should know?”
Friend: “Well, the people are really nice…”
In reality, it is difficult for people to talk about their own culture. Even for those who are living outside of it, there is a great difficulty to put to words exactly what makes your corner of the world unique and what to tell someone who is going there. Some of it is the fish not being able to see the water he’s swimming in, and some of it is that it is hard to describe something so general in very specific terms.
Therefore, it can be very helpful for you as the traveler to have a few questions up your sleeve which can help your friend open up give you something more than the local cuisine and how well-intentioned the people are. Here are a few things to start out with:
- Who are the local heroes where you come from? Learning about heroes is a great way to see what and who a culture values, and how to emphasize that part of your own personality!
- How can I make a great first impression? Watch your friend’s eyes light up as she gets excited about giving you the inside information on what really makes them feel great.
- What types of things get covered in the local news? This is a good way to learn small talk topics and how to make quick connections.
- If my meeting is set for 11am, when would I be early/late? Punctuality varies from culture to culture and it is good to know when you are supposed to show up. This answer is often different from business and social situations.
- What are you most proud of in your culture? It will usually take your friend a little while to ponder, but undoubtedly they will find something to smile about and you can use that topic as a compliment when you visit.
- How would you define a successful person in (country)? Success is also a moving target for most people, but when you hear someone describing the ideal lifestyle, you can learn a lot about what everyone is striving for.
There are many more things you can ask to dig deeper, but these should get you off to a great start!
Saying Sorry
Sep 12th
Just this last month, the German pharmaceutical company “Chemie Grunenthal” apologized after it was confirmed that the morning-sickness drug they produced was related to birth defects. This of course was 50 years after it was pulled off the shelves.
To admit a mistake in front of your world can be a dangerous thing. How does it affect your brand, your customer base, your legacy? The response to a mistake can make or break how you bounce back from it.
Looking at how companies apologize in different cultures brings a lot of insight and guidance when it comes to the art of saying “I’m sorry”. The opening example is fairly typical of a German company which will often take decades to admit to any official mistake.
Japanese executives who come from a face-saving culture with a high value on quality are routinely forced to apologize for not meeting high expectations. When Toyota had to issue a massive recall in 2009, the president of the company used words like “agonizing”, “extremely regrettable” and “deep remorse”.
When the American airline JetBlue had a serious logistics failure keeping passengers stuck on airplanes for several hours, they issued a public apology. Their COO did his best to come across as a regular guy who is just trying to put things back in order.
Here in India, the word “apology” is most frequently found after the word “demand”, usually referring to an outraged group or political party which wants someone to be held accountable. Sensitivities run high, but it is often difficult to find someone at the top level willing to accept responsibility.
One thing which is common among all apologies is the fact that people are usually not satisfied with them. Either they are not sincere enough, or their method of making amends is not fair. It seems that everyone is using a different scale to judge whether an apology was “good enough” or not, and it’s hard to get a perfect score.
You may not find yourself as the spokesperson for a massive tragedy, but the ability to apologize in different cultures is definitely a part of the Global Leader’s skill set. Author Gary Chapman has said that there are 5 “languages” or elements to an apology:
- Expressing regret – “I’m sorry”
- Accepting responsibility – “I’m wrong”
- Making restitution – “How can I make this right?”
- Genuine repentance – “I will do my best to never do that again”
- Requesting forgiveness – “Please forgive me”
One of those probably means a lot more than the other ones to you depending on your upbringing and culture. If you ever find yourself in a place where you need to give an apology (in the business world or outside of it), think through all the different “languages” and make sure you are addressing the one that is most important to your audience. Speaking directly to your listener’s most important concern will help you and them move forward to a better place.
Coming of Age
Jul 3rd
When does a child become an adult? Each culture across the world has marked one’s coming of age uniquely. Be it a graduation, a particular age, a driver’s license, a new home, a marriage, or even having a child, we all find our own moment to grow up.
Some cultures use special ceremonies to mark this transition. As an intern with Global Adjustments, I recently had the pleasure of attending the Hindu coming of age ceremony called an Upanayanam. Many Hindu boys have this “Sacred Thread Ceremony” to mark their transition from boys to men at just eight years old. Undeniably an Upanayanam has some distinctly Hindu traditions. For example, in the middle of the ceremony the boy shares a final carefree meal with his best friend; afterwards he must be conscious of what he is consuming each time he sits down to eat and make sure to give back as much as he takes. This concept is harmonious with the Hindu idea of overcoming one’s ego in order to be conscious of society as a whole.
However, I was also surprised to find rituals in the Upanayanam which seemed very similar to coming of age ceremonies of other cultures. Much like a Jewish boy’s Bar Mitzvah, the Upanayanam centers on the transition into becoming a serious student where education becomes paramount. Each ceremony requires the boys to recite scripture from their holy books, the Hindu Bhagavad Gita and the Jewish Torah, respectively. Paralleling the ancient Chinese “Cap” Ceremony, a Hindu boy has his entire head shaved sparing a tuft at the back, whereas the Chinese youth’s hair is tied in a bun and capped in the same place. Both arrangements of hair represent the transition from youth to scholar.
Adulthood itself seems to be an ambiguous moving target. These same Indian boys who have become an adult at eight might later anxiously await their strands of grey hair to come in which brings with it respect and legitimacy in the business world. Many young Indian girls are excited to grow up quickly, but also bemoan the time when they switch from being called didi or akka (older sister) to being called auntie by small children.
Observing the Upanayanam, I began to consider my own transition into adulthood. For me, graduating high school and going to university was a monumental coming of age moment. Taking on the responsibility of my own education and living away from home for a time made me feel like I had crossed a major threshold on the way to becoming an adult. I know there will be several markers along the path, but it is important to celebrate each one.
Cara Huskey is an intern with Global Adjustments’ Cross Cultural Training Department. For more information on our courses, including working with younger generations, contact courses@globaladjustments.com
Career Path
May 4th
An engineer who had come to work in India from the US was floored by how many Indians had an engineering background. As he started to work with his Indian colleagues though, he noticed a difference between them and his co-workers back home. He said “Where I’m from, we are engineers because we have to be. There isn’t any other option. We were born to figure out how things work and build things and there’s nothing else that we can do.”
Many Indians also become engineers because they “have to”, but for other reasons, either economic or because that was the career path chosen for them by their parents.
This brings up a classic issue of culture when it comes to what your job is in life. On one end of the spectrum you find a system where the elders in a family use their life experience and wisdom to choose a path for their children since they are not aware of the challenges that will come in life. Elders are also wiser to know which jobs provide a steady income and which ones are pipe dreams.
On the other end is a system where young people are invited to choose their own career in something that interests them and they would enjoy doing for the rest of their life. Study what you love and you’ll find a way to make it pay for your life.
Both are present in most cultures, and both have advantages, but which is better, becoming an engineer because your personality demands it, or your parents?
If you listen only to Hollywood and Bollywood, the answer seems a bit one-sided. On a recent episode of “The Voice”, an American singing competition, they did a feature on a young Indian girl who was auditioning. Her whole family was in the medical field and she was also expected to do the same, but she had a passion for singing and was bucking the family trend. After a fabulous performance, the American host was all too eager to go to her father and say “What do you think now?”, as if to jab him for making such a foolish decision as to waste her on medicine.
But the other side of the argument gets less press. In a world where not every dream comes true, parents are faced with the difficult task of trying their best to shield children from not being prepared for the changing world. Left to their own devices, most teenagers are not really equipped to make such big decisions. In a recent study, high school girls were asked to choose which job they would most like to have such as a U.S. Senator or the CEO of a large organization. The #1 answer by far (43%) was to be a personal assistant to someone famous. Perhaps not the best career planning.
Hopefully this is one area where we can learn from each other and help our children be passionate, and also wise.
Ever looking for new ways to understand each other,
The Training Team
Oops…Don’t make this mistake
Mar 8th
Recently, President Obama was speaking with the President of Georgia about the economic development that has been going on. However, at one point, he mistakenly referred to the former part of the Soviet Union as “Russia”. For an American who comes from a country where only 30% of people have a passport, this is an understandable mistake. But for the people of Georgia, it could have been a catastrophic blunder.
In general, most nations are sensitive about their identity and there is always that one group of people that you don’t want to be mistaken for. Kiwis and Aussies, Finns and Russians, Brits and Irish, all over the world you find certain areas of heightened sensitivities if you confuse them. Never assume that a Canadian is an American, and don’t tell someone from Saudi Arabia they are from the “Persian” Gulf. As the second-most populous continent with 56 independent countries, it’s a good idea to refer to Africa not as a country, but mention the specific nation you are speaking about. In our part of the world, probably the single biggest mistake you could make is to confuse an Indian for a Pakistani and vice versa.
Recently in our magazine, Culturama, we ran an interview of a man who we claimed was from Denmark, when he was actually from the Netherlands. While these countries are on cordial terms, we thought we would clear up any confusion that exists about that part of the world.
People from the country of Denmark are called Danish or Danes and speak Danish. In general, they don’t have many negative feelings toward their neighbors, but are probably most proud of their defeat of Germany in football in the 1992 European Championship. They are known as a very peaceful country, and often work toward international reconciliation.
People from The Netherlands are called Dutch, and their language is also Dutch (commonly mistaken for ‘Deutsch’, the language of Germany). Sometimes the word “Holland” is used informally to speak of the entire country, but technically, it is only a region within the Netherlands. There is a slight sensitivity with Germany, a combination of previous wars and their ongoing football woes against the Germans in major games. However, the deceased husband of the current Queen was a German aristocrat who became a much-loved figure.
As part of creating empowered Global Citizens, we at Global Adjustments know that one of the most important things you can do is to get someone’s national identity right. We’re sorry when we make a mistake, and we invite you to learn along with us as we interact with the world!
For more information about training courses where we equip people for sensitivities around the world, contact courses@globaladjustments.com
